Category : Success Tips

Stress Survey

Posted by docapc at 1:49 am

Stress Survey

1)   I tend to overwork and do most things myself

Yes—-No——-

2) I have difficulty falling or staying asleep

Yes——No——

3) My nutrition is generally poor to fair

Yes——No—-

1)   Have you experienced the death of a spouse in the last six months?

Yes———No——-

5) Have you experienced the death of a close friend in the last six months?

Yes——N0—-

6) Have you been divorced or seeking divorce in the last six months?

Yes———-No——-

7) Do you have a son or daughter who is experiencing serious emotional difficulties in the last year?

Yes———-No———

Has your health deteriorated significantly in the last year?

Yes———-No——-

9) Have you had difficulties in the sexual arena in the last year?

Yes——-No——-

10) Have you or your significant other lost your job in the last year?

Yes———-No——-

11) Do you or your significant other have trouble with a boss?

Yes——No—-

12) Do you often feel guilty for reasons you know are irrational?

Yes——-No———-

13) Do you frequently feel impatient when you have to wait at the supermarket, other stores?

Yes———-No———

14) Have you been fighting more often with your partner?

Yes———No——-

15) Do you feel like you are racing through each day, seldom able to slow down?

Yes———No

16) Do you have few supportive relationships?

Yes——-No——-

17) Do you tend to make more of the normal stressors in life than others you know?

Yes————-No——-

18) Do you wake each day feeling like you won’t be able to cope effectively?

Yes————-No——-

19) Do you have few calm moments during the day?

Yes———-No———

20) Do you often think you have little time for exercise, relaxation, letting go?

Yes———No———

Scores of 1-6 Low Stress

Scores of 7-12 Moderate Stress

Scores of 13-17 Significant Stress

Scores of 18+ Extreme Stress

Your Score is ———————

Taken from then book The Stress Solution: Using Empathy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to Reduce Anxiety and Develop Resilience

The Empathy Quotient

Posted by docapc at 1:43 am

Empathy Quotient

Please answer yes or no to the following questions and compare your answers to the first time you took this questionnaire. Please be as honest as possible.

1)    I have been told that I lack empathy by more than one person

2)    I have been told that I am empathic by more than one person

3)    I feel good when I help another person

4)    I don’t feel much when I help another person

5)    I feel obligated to do the right thing

6)    I enjoy giving of my time to others

7)    I am uncomfortable when people talk about emotional issues

8)    I am not uncomfortable when people talk about emotional issues

9)    I don’t know what it means to express empathy

10)I understand what it means to express empathy

11)I often feel that I miss emotional cues

12)I pick up emotional cues easily

13)I have been told that I need to be right

14)I don’t place much value on the need to be right

15)I seldom talk beyond the surface with friends

16)My friends and I have deep conversations

17)I prefer to not be around young children

18)I love being around young children

19)I think I tend to take more than I give

20)I think I tend to give more than I take

21)I fine it easier to show animals affection rather than people

22)I can give affection to animals and people equally

23)I have often been called stubborn

24)I am often told that I am easy to get along with

25)I prefer to talk more than listen

26)I prefer to listen more than talk

27)In most of my conversations I talk more than I listen

28)In most of my conversations I listen more than I talk

29)I am uncomfortable getting close to people

30)I feel comfortable being close to people

Scoring

Give yourself one point for saying “yes” to any of the following questions-#2,3,6,8,10,12,14,16,18,20,22,24,26,28 and 30.

Take away one point for saying “yes” to any of the following questions-#1,5,7,9,11,13,15,17,19,21,23,25, and 29.

Total Number-

Very Empathic-13-15

Mildly Empathic-10-12

Taken from  the book The Stress Solution: Using Empathy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to Reduce Anxiety and Develop Resilience

What’s Good about Goodness?

Posted by docapc at 4:36 pm

The irony is that individuals who may think they are
interested only in their own happiness still need to contribute to a healthy
goodness society. When we engage others in an attitude of goodness, we
produce what we are biologically and spiritually programmed to do. Fascinating
research by psychologist Philippe Ruston of the University of Western Ontario
on the genetic basis for altruism has revealed that humans possess a “goodness
gene”. Dr. Ruston based his opinion on decades of analyzing data he collected
through the University Of London Institute Of Psychiatric Adult Twin Register,
the source for many studies about twins and genetics. Another poignant finding
from the Great Good Science Center, University of California, Berkeley is in
regard to the production of the hormone oxytocin, the hormone of compassion
elicited when we bond through the relational qualities that goodness embodies.
Oxytocin is a near magical neurotransmitter responsible for the following:

• Reduces anxiety and release of stress hormone
  (cortisol)
• Helps you live longer
• Aids in faster recovery from illness, improves wound
  healing
• Promotes a sense of calm and well-being, increases
  generosity and empathy
• Protects against heart disease, modulates
  inflammation
• Reduces cravings for addictive substances
• Creates bonding and an increase in trust of others
• Decreases fear and creates a feeling of security

Producing more oxytocin is just one of many benefits
conferred on those who practice goodness. Knowing how to express goodness makes
us more energetic and more resilient. We have more skills to manage daily
living. We are not limited in our pursuits of knowledge, and we are not
limited in the array of people we can befriend. Real wisdom consists not in
pursuing happiness directly, but rather in building a good life upon a
foundation of goodness. Happiness comes as a byproduct of that
process. If there is a shortcut to happiness, goodness is it.

                                                 Arthur P. Ciaramicoli, Ed.D.,Ph.D.

                                                           http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Goodness-Renaissance-Project/104778329611615

A Christmas Story

Posted by docapc at 11:30 am

It has been several years since my Dad’s passing but there is one Christmas gift he gave that I remember more than any other.  Years later I still feel enormously grateful for the gift he gave me that never faded, never worn out and never failed to be a gift that sustained me throughout my life. I hope all parents will remember the meaning of this story as you contemplate what to give your children this season.

When I was 9 years old I asked for a Lionel train for Christmas. I wanted that train so much that I couldn’t think of anything else. I dreamed about it day and night, imagining what it would look like speeding along its miniature track. Nobody else in my neighborhood had a Lionel. I would be the first to own one, and that I believed would make me special.

On Christmas morning I woke up when it was still dark and tiptoed past my sleeping brother. The stairs creaked in our apartment so I stayed on the edges, hoping to keep the magic moment to myself. A light was on in the kitchen and I peeked in to see my father sitting at the table, drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes. He looked up at me, something shifted in my heart and I knew there would be no train under the tree.

Without a word I ran into the living room and stood before the Christmas tree. Blinking back tears and still believing in miracles I hoped the train would just suddenly appear before me. Maybe I missed it, I thought, picking up boxes and shaking them. Maybe it’s in a closet or maybe it’s outside on the porch.

“Arthur.”  My Father’s voice was gentle as he kneeled down next to me. “We could not afford the train. I’m sorry, because I know how much it meant to you.”

He put his hand around my wrist and squeezed, a gesture he used only when he was discussing issues of the utmost importance. “You may not understand what I am about to say now, but someday you will” he said. “On this Christmas morning, with just you and me in this room, I would like to give you a gift far greater than anything money can buy. I want you to know that I will always love you. No matter what happens in your life, I will always be with you, believing in you,supporting you,cheering for you. No father could ever love a son more than I love you, and that love will never rust or need repairs-it will always be yours, now and for the rest of your life.”

I must have given him a look of doubt and perhaps confusion-How can love make up for a Lionel?-for he squeezed my wrist tighter and leaned toward me. I breathed in the familiar, bittersweet odor of Chesterfields and Maxwell House coffee, mixed with plenty of sugar and cream. “Believe me  Arthur,” my father said, “this will come to mean more than any other gift I could give you, I promise you that.”

This Christmas, many years later, it is still the best gift I could have ever received. His love, even after he is gone, lives inside me in a very powerful way. Try to give the gift of eternal love this season, it is truly everlasting.

What is your favorite Christmas Memory? Please share it via comments below.

Connect with me on Twitter @DocAPC

Arthur P. Ciaramicoli, Ed.D.,Ph.D.

Author of The Stress Solution: Using Empathy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to Reduce Anxiety and Develop Resilience

Top 10 Ways to Deal with Bad Behavior

Posted by docapc at 8:00 pm

1. Don’t personalize rude behavior. It’s unlikely to be about you, even though it’s directed at you.
2. Be aware that rude behavior comes from various sources (sleep deprivation, depression, stress, illness, insecurity, etc.).
3. Respond with calmness rather than behavior that escalates rude behavior.
4. “An eye for an eye” is a poor approach; don’t turn another’s insecurity into your own.
5. Self-righteous behavior only reflects poorly on you; don’t use the opportunity to demean another.
6. Try to address the underlying cause of the behavior. (“I can see you are very stressed. Maybe I could help if you tell me what’s bothering you.”)
7. When necessary, set limits tactfully and assertively, not aggressively.
8. If the conversation remains irrational, know when to quit.
9. Don’t assume rudeness is a permanent part of someone’s personality. It is a pattern of rudeness (not one mishap) that determines character.
10. In the end, always let empathy — the ability to read others accurately — be your guide in understanding rudeness, knowing how to respond to a rude individual and knowing when to leave the scene.

Change Your Story and Balance Your Success in 2010

Posted by docapc at 12:09 pm

10 Ways You Can Change Your Story and Balance Your Success in 2010.

1. We all write a story about ourselves early in life, realize it is always part fiction.
2. If the mirrors you look into early in life are distorted, so is your view of yourself. Commit to seeing yourself accurately today.
3. You cannot re-write your story alone; we are all too subjective to obtain a rational view of ourselves.
4. Choose rational people to help you re-write your story, to find out the truth of who you are today.
5. Expand your empathic range so that your choice of intimate friends is growth promoting.
6. Realize that the path to true self knowledge and balance comes from sustained intimate relationships.
7. We learn the most when we commit our hearts to those around us, playing it safe keeps you static.
8. Your romantic relationships reveal more about your true story than any other human contact. Love brings our stories front and center.
9. In order to live a balanced life self care has to be a priority, taking care of oneself is never separate from the care of others. Abuse yourself and you indirectly abuse others.
10. Intimacy is the greatest predictor of a balanced life; if you don’t how to maintain love you will never overcome the negative story of the past.

Follow me on Twitter @DocAPC

The Amazing Power of Empathy

Posted by docapc at 10:50 pm

Empathy is the capacity to understand and respond to the unique experience of another. In my 30 years of clinical experience, I have learned that empathy is unquestionably the most important capacity for a successful personal and professional life. It facilitates all day-to-day encounters. Empathy is also essential to creating real intimacy and satisfying long term relationships.

Sympathy and empathy are often confused. Sympathy is an involuntary feeling-the passive experience of attempting to console in a general sense.

Empathy is an active process in which you try to learn all you can about another person rather than having only a superficial awareness.

We all have an innate capacity for empathy. When we are not treated with empathy, the capacity atrophies, like a muscle that is not used. When we are treated with empathy, our unique personality honored, we learn to be empathic; the muscle increases in mass and strength.

Here are some guidelines to develop empathy:

Ask open ended questions.

Closed-ended questions limit or manipulate the other person’s answer, automatically introducing a power play. The respondent can choose submissive agreement, combative reaction or sullen refusal to play along.

For example, the closed-ended solution: “Do you think my solution is unreasonable?’ might be answered with “I guess not” or “Yes, as usual” or even stony silence. Whatever the reply, the interaction creates a winner and a loser. There can be no common ground or genuine exchange of information.

The open-ended question, in contrast, “How do you see a solution shaping up?” conveys respect for another’s opinions. It initiates a dialogue that can lead to real communication and understanding.

Slow down.

Easing the pace allows volatile emotions to be tempered with thoughtful reflection. We can then grasp the whole picture, not just a narrow, unconstructive focus.

Avoid snap judgments.

It is natural to categorize behaviors based on our own past experiences. But people constantly change.

Don’t jump to conclusions about anyone’s current mental or emotional state, no matter who you have encountered with similar features or mannerisms.

Obstacles to Empathy

Accusations such as “You always react that way” or “I can read you like a book.” Such statements are a turnoff to others and can block you from discovering the truth.

Pay attention to your body. Our nervous systems talk to each other; some researchers define empathy as a nervous system state which tends to stimulate that of another person. When a mother plays with an infant, their hearts beat in time. When one person raises his voice, the other’s heartbeat speeds up.

Consider past experiences and the current circumstance. Strong emotions often emanate from previous, still-unresolved conflicts. Difficult conditions can also affect behavior. Ask yourself: Am I reacting only to the receptionist’s unfriendly manner or to her strong resemblance to a cold, critical figure from the past.

Is the receptionist curt because she dislikes you or because her demanding boss always overbooks?

Let the story unfold. Of all the skills involved in empathy, listening requires the most concentration. It also rewards you with more productive conversations and greater knowledge. Think how much more open and cooperative you feel when you are truly heard rather than cut off or thoughtlessly categorized.

Strategies for better listening

Become all ears. Letting your mind wander, rehearsing your own words or mentally arguing deafens you to what is being said.

Remain unbiased. We all have stereotypes that interfere with our judgment. The most important “truth” is what you hear in the current moment.

Physical health.

Remember moments of empathic connection reduce tension, lesson release of stress hormones, reduce blood pressure and most importantly widen the lens we see the world with. We ultimately realize we are all more alike than we are different.

What is The Curse of the Capable?

Posted by docapc at 9:52 am

The Power of Empathy

Posted by docapc at 10:41 pm

The Power of Empathy shows how people can use empathy as an assessment tool in all their relationships. Empathy can signal when people are well-intentioned and when they are deceitful. It can shield people from manipulative strangers and strengthen the bonds between loved ones. It is an emotion that has been overlooked, underused, and misunderstood for too long. Both prescriptive and narrative, The Power of Empathy provides a practical framework for anyone to use empathy to better his or her life.

Dr. Arthur Ciaramicoli believes that empathy is the driving force behind love-and that its power goes vastly unrecognized by most people. His book, The Power of Empathy, is an important new resource for people who hope to enrich their emotional lives, improve their communication skills, and explore the spiritual dimensions of the human capacity for love. While traditional relationship books emphasize loving each other and oneself, Ciaramicoli and Ketcham argue that they overlook the critical fact that love itself needs help-and that empathy is the solution.