Posted by docapc at 5:02 am
As we age we accumulate losses in our lives. This time of year often brings back memories of those important people we have lost through death, breakups, divorce and distance. One of my patients just told me she misses her mother terribly at this time of year. “She made Christmas so special and it has never seemed the same”. She went on tell me she should get over this sadness or she’ll become depressed. “After all my Mom has been gone a long time, I don’t want to get depressed so maybe I should just put her out of my mind”.
Many people make the mistake of thinking that experiencing sadness causes depression or a down mood. The opposite is actually true. Experiencing sadness, connecting this emotion to thoughts of the person missed allows us to place our history in perspective. We can then move on with vitality and enjoy the present holiday. Sadness has been called the vitamin of growth; it slows our thinking to allow for reflection and gives us the opportunity to share with those close to us our past hurts. We can then place these emotions where they belong.
If we internalize, as my patient is suggesting, we often don’t realize how much psychic energy it takes to keep our emotions and thoughts to ourselves. Emotions shared with those who employ empathy to understand our experience is a relief and in many ways can liberate us from our sorrows
Try not to view sadness as a detriment to your health but rather as a cue to slow down, listen to your thoughts, express to those close to you so you can regain energy in the process. Allowing yourself to be understood and cared for by those who are truly interested in your welfare is a means of sharing the burden of loss. In the process you will likely feel touched by the love that exists in your life currently.
Remember it takes courage to be vulnerable but those of us who have inhabited the earth for a time realize it is strength of the greatest magnitude, an ability that frees us emotionally to be present with those we love throughout the holidays.